I have not written in some time so I wanted to say hello and share with you what has been happening in my life in the last several months.
Wow, what a wild ride this life is! I have needed to spend a lot of quiet time integrating all the changes that have been unfolding over here; to withdraw and rest deeply within.
We spent the whole of last year remodeling our beautiful new home in West Sonoma County, California, with the vision and intention of creating a wonderful retreat center and sanctuary for community to gather and share meditation, and other consciousness enhancing events. We invested all our time, money, energy and love into making it the most sacred and beautiful space imaginable. Just as we were finished and ready to launch, our neighbors reported us to the county and that was the end of our dream. We realized we could not do any of what we had intended here. It was a devastating disappointment when we realized that we would have to sell our home. My husband had a nervous breakdown and ended up being institutionalized for six weeks, and we did not know if or when he was going to come back from his mental break. It was a very distressing time. On top of that, I had to let go of our adorable puppies because of the uncertainty of our future. For a while there I was shaking my fist at God and saying “What the F….k???!”
So there’s been a lot going on over here. I am happy to say that my hubbie has returned to his normal resilient self and all is well. We are grateful that we really only have first world problems to deal with, and that we have so many blessings to be grateful for. The future is uncertain for us, as it is for so many, but this brings me to a deeper point that I want to make which hopefully can be helpful for you.
If we are committed to awakening, things will fall away. Our future plans, as well as old ideas and identities of the ego structure. As I look back on my life in the last few years, it has been one massive let go after another. It has been a painful and challenging journey, as many layers of who I have known myself to be get stripped away. It seems this is happening for many of us these days.
I would like to share with you a few things that may be helpful if you can relate to any of my story.
1. We are not who we think we are. Although we would like to identify ourselves as a “somebody” with wonderful accomplishments and a successful image in the world, this is not ultimately who we are. Who we are, is True Nature/ Being/ Essence/ Spirit. Only when we move beyond the form identity can we really know ourselves as that.
2. Who Am I? And what is it that I truly Value? These two questions have helped me make it through this difficult time. They bring me back to my essential Nature, and what is really important in this life. That takes care of all the seeking for and running from praise and blame, fame and shame, loss and gain, pleasure and pain. Beyond the dualistic seeking for whatever we think will fulfill us, there is a deeper truth available. Who am I and what is my life about helps us contact it.
3. Life itself is the teacher. Trust Life. When we ask “What does Life want of me?” (rather than the usual question, “What do I want from life?”) it brings us exactly what we need (even if it is not what we want) to awaken us out of our dream state identity, into who we truly are. If we can keep letting go of the way we think our life should look and trust the deeper movements of our own Souls unfolding, then there is a beautiful wisdom in even the most painful and difficult times we face.
4. Deep compassion for our humanness. Life is hard! Its about embracing all parts of ourselves, not leaving any part out, as we travel this rocky road to awakening. The exquisite and excruciating vulnerability of our own humanness is what also opens us to the suffering that so many others are experiencing. When we are this open to the awkward and uncomfortable parts in us, we can embrace and hold the whole world in our arms.
5. Learning to Live, Love and to Let Go. I have to remember this every day as I wake up missing those that I love, my beloved father, my beautiful puppies whose eyes have burrowed their way into my heart, as well as my beloved husband and all my precious friends. It is this deep love that makes us human, it is letting go that opens us to our true Nature. Thus we can fully live and enjoy each precious and fleeting moment here, no matter what life has in store.
When the Ego weeps for what it has lost The Soul rejoices for what it has found.
In the East there is a tradition of giving rather than receiving gifts on ones Birthday. As my Birthday has just passed, I am offering 5 complimentary sessions, first come, first serve.
If you are experiencing challenges on this rocky road to Awakening, and would like some support, contact me at Rajyo@rajyo.com, 415-299-7565